Lloyd Library and Museum

Come, Cholera doctors, spread the news,
Your poisons give men's lives abuse,
From boards of health, your powers extend,
To desolate our happy land!

These points attained, exert those powers,
We'll see the effect in a few hours;
Men die apace, where'er they go,
Their steps are marked with human woe!

When health prevailed throughout the land,
And drugs were plenty on their hand,
They took their stand and raised the cry,
"See the cholera clouds from Asia fly!"

Weak minds they thus did irritate,
And made them think the danger great!
To pacify and gain consent,
Their poison take, death to prevent.

O, what a hoax to speed their skill,
With lancet, calomel, and pill;
Camphor and opium they combine,
To carry on their bold design.

These are the facts, as we believe,
We have no wish aught to deceive;
Men to their graves by poisons hurled,
The plague is spreading round the world.

Near all the earth has felt the bane
Of Paracelsus' poisonous reign!
The cholera cloud has spread its scenes,
From Asia's shore to New Orleans.

The march of death will thus proceed,
Till botanists shall take the lead;
Their skill employ on nature's plan,
Disease remove and save the man.

This they have done some thousand times,
Tho' cures by them, are law-made crimes;
But in so great and good a cause,
They'll cures effect in spite of laws:

The mineral doctors can't succeed,
In vain they blister, purge, and bleed,
In vain their calomel they've tired,
Most of their cholera patients died.

The facts are plain when foes confess,
Botanic doctors had success;
And saved the lives of many a score,
By college doctors given o'er.

What is the use of boasted skill
In jalap, bolus, or in pill;
When those whom they attempt to cure,
By swallowing drugs their death is sure?

What is the use of all their skill,
That will not cure but often kill!
Our great Convention lxxv we have called,
The craft to check and spare the world.

Now let each father, brother, friend,
Who in this council may attend,
Stand like a soldier in his post,
Nor fear to face that venal host.

They crowd around on every hand,
Against the truth to make a stand;
Their mercenary plans must fail,
Great is the truth and must prevail.

The time arrives, botanics meet.
Each patent doctor takes his seat;
And stands a champion in the cause
Of nature and her simple laws.

Kind nature speaks in language plain;
No magic here to give you pain;
Easy her words are understood,
"No poisons take, nor spill your blood!"

Come, friendly breth'ren, far and near,
All have a right to speak and hear;
Your vouchers show and prove you come,
To be a mouth for those at home.

We'll organize by joint consent,
A Clerk elect and President,
With Committees as we may need,
Arrange our work and so proceed.

The President now takes the chair
With dignity and solemn air;
Did the becoming grace proceed,
A message to our friends to read.

United in the common cause,
'Gainst deadly drugs and poison laws,
A seat was free to every man,
To help to execute their plan.

Thus in their work did they proceed,
Petitions hear and letters read:
Record the cures that steamers do,
With ways and means that they pursue.

How they reject the forms and rules,
As practiced by the mineral schools;
And how their enemies will tell,
Of patients killed, though 'live and well.

Thomsonians rouse! lift up your eyes,
See poison foes against you rise;
Their country's foes, a recreant host,
With falsehood, trick and empty boast.

See how these fiends to man do rage,
And fierce for blood and gold engage,
See poisoned nets, of falsehood spread,
And honest people captive led.

There 'Celsus with his "monster" stands
Upheld by law's "voracious hands,"
There poison multiplied abound,
To grind the people to the ground.

From mountain, valley, hill and glen,
They come, a valiant race of men;
On truth omnipotent they stand,
With conquering weapons in their hand.

No bloody instruments they wield--
Theirs is a moral battle-field;
On this they stand, in numbers few,
With hearts undaunted, firm and true.

They come to crush a dreadful foe
To human health and life below--
More deadly than the Upas tree--
The lancet, knife, and mercury.

Mr. Editor: Physicians, politicians and divines,
Divisions sore on earth doth cause in modern times;
Some war about Democracy, and some about their creeds;
The doctors war in theory, the people about their deeds.

In all the wars just named, each claim in their defense
Reason, Science, Philosophy, and Common Sense;
Each claim a reason for their course, a reason for their views;
In politics which side to take, and doctors which to choose.

The regular M.D. claims knowledge of the human frame,
The action and the office of muscle, nerve and vein;
And all theories extant, from Hippocrates' days,
Will quote, to Rush or Brown as proof, to Hunter or Broussais. lxxxiii

Of disease in various classes have learned their names to speak
Most fluently, in English, in Latin, and in Greek;
Anatomy and Chemistry are safely lodged in brain,
Physiology and Pharmacy, with all their mystic train:

Of symptoms, though perplexing, and difficult to find;
Of Febres Intermittens, and of all the Febrile kind;
Of Epilepsy, Palsy, of Rheumatism, Gout;
With cause remote and proximate, by us are cyphered out.

They have drank in new inventions, nor let the moment pass
Of knowledge to accumulate in Galvanism, Gas,
In the Electric Fluids, in Homoeopathic gains,
In Hygeine, and Diet, to alleviate our pains.

Essential to the healing art is this amount of lore;
In order to be qualified, should Cullen's works explore;
On Abercrombie and on Brown the student long should dwell;
On Gregory and Dewees too, on Hooper, Coxe, and Bell. lxxxiv

With this amount of knowledge, with saddle-bags in hand,
Diplomas in their pockets, respect for to command,
Profess the Art of Healing, on the long beaten track;
Should any dare to doubt their skill, 'tis ignoramus! quack!

When first they call to see the sick, (O! what a narrow chance)
Begin by giving calomel, and then plunge in the lance;
With Antimony follow up, with Nitre and Morphine;
The inflammation to allay, on liver, lungs, or spleen.

Then if the pulse should quickly beat, next day they call again,
The same course over will repeat ('twill surely ease your pain)
Perhaps a Blister may advise, or some Mercurial Paste,
To act as counter-irritant, and cure with greater haste.

Then if the patient and his pulse should both together sink,
Next day the Dr. will advise some lemon juice or acid drink;
Peruvian Bark would stimulate, I'll give you some Quinine,
Some Ipecac lxxxv, and Calomel, and Dover 's Powders, fine.

Saying--Sir, your case is obstinate, the symptoms are obscure,
Your case requires attention, the very best of care,
A water-gruel regimen the symptoms sure must soften--
Take care to wake him once an hour, give Dover 's Powders often.

Next day the case being doubtful--A counsel quickly call,
In order to approve my course and satisfy you all,
And while we thus are waiting I think I would advise
You to suspend the medicine, and give the patient ease.

Then comes the aged counsellor, with wrinkles on his brow,
With looks imparting wisdom, he asks the doctor how
The man was firstly taken, and if in the Sthenic stage lxxxvi
The modus operandi, did not his pains assuage.

In giving Calomel, and Bleeding, you surely have done well,
To reduce the arterial action, morbid virus to expel;
The Antimony and Ipecac. I also recommend,
Had you given'em more freely 'twould been better in the end.

He then tells o'er the num'rous cases that had fallen to his lot,
But their names and place of residence he'd most of them forgot,
How strangely they were handled, how soon they were restor'd
By bleeding and blisters, and other means he did afford.

As it regards this patient, old D'Alambert lxxxvii I shall quote--
Give Alum, Lead, Or Kino, for soreness of the throat;
And for his schirrus liver try Corrosive Sublimate,
Or the Nitrate of Silver, the part to irritate.

At night I would give Morphine, his nerves for to quiet;
At morning give the Blue Pill, with a vegetable diet;
Give Digitalis for the blood, for stupor give Cinchona;
Give Ether for the spasms, or the Spirits of Ammonia.

For extreme irritation, all our authors have directed
Many Leeches to apply, and cup the part affected;
Both Foxglove and Strammonium, are very much in use,
But both are quite narcotic, and delirium may produce.

Should stupefaction follow, or much vertigo ensue,
Then withhold the Strammonium, and Digitalis too,
His case would then be doubtful, 'tis obstinate at best,
And has been from the onset--such pressure on the chest.

I have business somewhat urgent that calls me away,
Should the sick man get worse, let me know without delay;
Just mark the directions--Keep him cool, dress the blister,
Shut the neighbors from the room, don't speak above a whisper.

The iron rod and fata spear
We wield for death throughout the year;
We wield for death the iron rod,
And thousands send to meet their God!
(Esculapians)

We use such balms as have no strife
With nature or the streams of life;
With blood our hands we never stain,
Nor poisons give, to ease man's pain.
Good balm will harm no man or fly,
While God shall rule in yonder sky;
And we, in life, will never cease,
By simple means to kill disease.

(Thomsonians) lxxxix

What led man to the regulars' invention?
Was it to cure the sick his intention?
Or was it ignorance that led him astray,
Ostentatious, sophistical demons of day!

Yes, Experience has taught us a new school,
To detect the ignorant, and learn the quack fool;
For with their lance and plasters they take the skin
To make a big hole to put big quacks in.
Then with their calomel they take the rest,
Or substitute morphine, as suits the patient best,
Till death steals upon his pale-faced brow,
And asks, will you meet me in heaven or hell now?

Come, honest Physicians, lay by your suspicions;
There is no great secret in plain, simple truth.
Without boasted vainnes, we tell you in plainness,
True medical science is but in her youth.
We've long been deceived--past ages are grieved,
To find all their medical skill was so weak,
And many inventions, from honest intentions,
Have grown into errors too gross for to speak.

Behold ancient sages, through all the dark ages,
Confus'd and perplexed by mysteries of cure,
No system erected, that could be protected
By reason and truth, which will always endure.
Since good Hippocrates, lived good Cincinnatus,
And Galen, and Celsus, and Plato, and Stahl--
Sydenham and others--all high learned brothers--
But Cullen and Brown at last rivaled them all.

When Doctors we mention, we have no intention
Of casting reproach upon those in the rear:
For Cullen's Nosology, needs no apology--
The Medical Science he split like a hair.
Though many are named, all cannot be famed,
With Harvey and Brown, for the good they have done,
By rending tradition and dark superstition,
To clear out the way for the true light to come.

The true light of nature has now become greater
Than all the high learning the schools do possess;
And plain, common talking, either standing or walking,
Reveals the whole mystery of cure we confess.
The Greeks, while they reigned, their science maintained,
By plain, simple teaching, quite common to all:
Their good sense and reason, would have thought it treason,
To leave their own language the dead to recall.

The regulars are much alarmed
To see the people so much charmed
With our new and wholesome way
To save our bodies from the clay.

"Its folly, ignorance, they say,
Which has sprung up within a day--
Only the ignorant of the land
Will this poor system recommend."

But, after all their foul ab use,
The people love lobelia juice.
Steam and powders is the cry,
Let us have them or we die.

On New Year's Eve a gentle rap was heard, and on opening the door a young gentleman of moderate size, seated in an armed chair, was presented by a lady, whose countenance bespoke sorrow and compassion, and the tear of sympathy bedewed her crimson cheek, as she placed the object of her affections in our charge; and after several ineffectual struggles for utterance, she seemed to say--'Doctor, do your best, as much depends upon the result!' at the close of which a mournful sigh escaped her lips, and she departed without further ceremony. When we proceeded to examine the little patient, and found to our surprise, that he could neither speak nor help himself. But a scroll was attached to his garments, which explained the doleful tale of misery and woe. It reads as follows:--

Here have I come, oh Doctor!
To see if you can cure
The horrid, racking pains
I cannot long endure.

My head does ache most grievously,
My sides are dreadful sore,
My back is lame, my limbs are stiff,
I'm chilly, too, all o'er.

Oh dear! a twinge has caught my toe,
Another's in my side,
Oh truly, I am doom'd to know
The ills that flesh betide.

And, Doctor, but a week ago
I was not wan and thin,
But I did catch a frightful cold,
And call'd the M.Ds, in.

And Calomel they soon pour'd down,
On Senna made me dine,
For tea I'd take a nauseous Pill,
With Antimonial Wine--

Thanks are due to thee, my dear;
I can never feel too grateful
For thy exertions to get me here,
Although Tea is given by the pailful.

A good hot Steaming, too, they gave me,
While seated in a canvass fine,
Which did very much relieve me--
Especially that sore toe of mine.

Lobelia next stept down to learn
The state of things within me;
Cayenne and Composition began to burn,
I thought the duce was in the--

To bring me here, and leave me, too,
With beings void of all compassion!
I since have learned, with much ado,
It is the prevailing fashion.

By this time I felt most dreadful sick,
And the tea went down more freely;
I then began to squirm and kick,
All caused by the LOBELIA.

At length the pump began to work,
And thee would be astonished dear,
But I soon began to feel more chirk,
Which banished nearly all my fear.

A Buckeye lad has come of late
From Clinton Co., Ohio State,
To Edinburgh, and settled down
To heal the ills prevailing round.

If your disease should be the gout,
He'll chase it round and drive it out;
Or, if the rheumatism reign,
His liniments will ease your pain.

The truth of this, if any doubt,
And feel as if you're going to die,
Just call this youthful doctor out,
And see what healing balms he'll ply.